July 8, 2012

This post is a little different than the previous ones I have posted. It deals with the matter of men-women relationships in the area of attraction, dating and courtship.  Since become a single adult again over 3 years ago, Jesus has given me revelation on these issues that I have used in my personal life but felt led to write this article in hopes that it will assist and help others who are currently walking out life single in this season of their lives.

First I must say I had no idea how dysfunctional the whole single lifestyle had become.  I was really surprised at how differently men and women are relating to each other in this most important area as most are using dating as a vehicle to find a suitable mate.  From dating sites and chat rooms to random dating and more…this entire culture has become an emotional land mind that seems to produce little positive results for the born again Christian from what I have been told.  I have chosen not to actively pursue another relationship but have gone to Jesus to express what is in my heart in this area as I have learned to do with all other important areas of my life as He is my provision for everything.

If you are a born again Christian who bears His name and desire to live your life for Him, He is your provision in this area also. He is really does what you to ask Him in trust what He has for you and not assume you already know because of your human desires. He knows all about our desires..He created us..But still wants us to include Him and allow Him to show us what He has for us in this area.

Anyway, something I have noticed a lot lately is how ungodly men and women treat each other in their pursuit to find a serious friendship or life companion.  There seems to be a disconnect as to how to apply Christian principles to the attraction and pursuing of courtship in this area.  Seems that loving our brother (or sister) as ourselves has given way to a nonchalant, careless attitude of pursuing another due to what WE want, even outside of what Jesus may have for us.  Seems we have forgotten to ask Jesus to guide and direct us to the one He may have for us and have chosen to pursue outside of what His best may be for us.  Even for those that have been put together by the guidance of Christ there is still a tendency to walk out the courtship in our own understanding instead of allowing Him to direct our paths. (Prov. 3:5)

Just to background to this, since I have become single I have been approached by several guys who are married, become the object of interest of several who are much younger than me and flirted with by others of various ages. All in either church settings or have met in various prayer meetings.  These are all guys who profess to love Jesus. Recently the Lord had to release my heart from a ‘spirit of defrauding’ as one man who was showing interest in me never communicated his interest in an intentional way but just kept flirting in non verbal confusing ways. His decision to “pursue” in this way opened the door to areas in my heart that began to cause problems.  Confusion demands an answer so it can be put to rest, but when no answer if given then the enemy can begin to plant suggestions.  Apparently this guy had no idea as to how his behavior was affecting me as he was content to just continually flirt. I remember feeling confused when he was around and disoriented but didn’t make the connection or attribute it to his behavior until Jesus revealed what was going on in the spirit and then released me from the sprit that was oppressing my heart. It was then that I made the connection. I really don’t feel this guy was willfully trying to do wrong but I am using this example as to how the enemy can use these situations for those who are not aware or have not dealt with inner heart issues.  I have learned to talk to Jesus about everything so we dialogued about this recent encounter with another who also professed to love Christ.  Concerning male and female relationships in this area the Lord gave me this scripture that should be our compass for all relationships: Rom. 12:9-10. We are to be kindly affectionate to each other in brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another. Looks like Jesus is saying we are to conduct ourselves with true love and honor to each other.

Love doesn’t defraud other. Defrauding is when you set someone up for something but don’t follow through, to cheat, to deceive.. Honor doesn’t get at the others expense.

This goes for men and women.  Men have been defrauded by women and in turn defraud women.  Men and women with little understanding as to how to relate to the opposite sex end up causing damage to the heart of another due to previous unresolved heart issues. Men looking to “have fun” with women without any thought of making a commitment to them for their actions toward them. Women flirting and making suggestions to men in order to get some “male attention”.  All this behavior is outside the call to love and honor each other.  This behavior should have no place in the body of Christ and must be put to death if we are to relate to each other as true brothers and sisters.  Remember for those who name  the name of Jesus as Lord every man and woman is either a fellow believer or one who we are attempting to lead to Christ so to do anything that would violate or compromise that person is operating in a spirit that is outside of the One we profess to serve and love.

Guys if you are interested in a woman and want to get to know her…say something!  Ask her out, talk to her. Make your intentions clear that way there is no confusion!  Ladies, if a guy is showing interest in you ( Yes, I think you should let him initiate the relationship!) and you are interested also, give a clear yes or no and under no circumstances lead him on!  That way, again, there is no confusion!  Pretty simple stuff.  Not hard!

If you feel you may have been defrauded or affected by a seducing sprit, Jesus is there to lend guidance and healing.  If you find that you have operated in this spirit in the past, Jesus is there to move you past this dysfunctional way of living. Repentance opens up forgiveness that opens the door to new life in Him.

Venetia Carpenter

July 2012


  1. Denice Says:

    Thanks for your expose on the spirit of defrauding! It’s usually only talked about in terms of a marriage relationship! I really appreciate your vulnerability as you opened your heart to share out of your own experience. I learned something valuable because of you! Bless you Woman of God!

  2. Tim Says:

    I heard my father-in-law say to my sons recently, “There is no more important decision you will make than a mate. It changes the course of your whole life.” He had been light-heartedly teasing with them about some girls, but then he got serious and said this. He also added, “Don’t be in a hurry.”

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